Top 5 Reasons I hate riding the L train from Brooklyn to Manhattan in the morning:
(by random order)
1. If I need a new metrocard, chances are the MTA guys are “fixing” the machine so I would then have to walk back out of the station and walk down 2-3 blocks to the other entrance. Putting me all the way at the other end of the train when I need to be on the opposite.
2. The person who really thinks they have money left on their card and keeps swiping and swiping and swiping. DUDE, there are 10 of us in line, hurry the _ up and get out of line already: “INSUFFICIENT FUNDS.”
3. Getting on the actual train. IF by some miracle it is not packed to the bone, I can normally stand at ease. Usually NOT the case, so I have to squeeze myself under some dude’s armpits with my face smashed against some chick’s chest.
4. When everyone is WELL AWARE that the train is full to capacity (seriously, think sardines), that ONE person on the Bedford (aka hipster stop) thinks if the suck in their breathe and enter sideways, they can fit. YAY, now I have someone’s elbow in my ribs along with the boobs in my face along with the transpiring armpit.
5. The most recent addition to my disgust is that when I finally get to breathe some fresh air to transfer to my next train at Union Square station, I am able to inhale the smell of GARBAGE. WTF???
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Top 5 Reasons I hate riding the L train from Manhattan to Brooklyn in the evening:
(by random order)
1. Waiting at the Union Square station for my train while trying to either: hold my breathe, breathe through the collar of my jacket, or breathing through my cupped hands in order to fight the ridiculous smell.
2. Having to give the “WTF are you staring at?!” look to the men looking at me like they’re ready to put A-1 sauce on me.
3. Fighting everyone to get that ONE empty seat and then getting f*n pissed when a grown ass man steals it from you. (We all remember my note on chivalry, let’s not go there).
4. Everyone is tired and wants to go home in peace. WHY THEN, do you decide to play your music from your outdated cellphone on blast? NO, I DON’T want to hear Akon. Thank you.
5. When people finally get off the train and I am able to get a seat, when is it EVER ok to nod off on my shoulder??? Again. WTF???
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Okay, on a LIGHTER note, there ARE some good instances to the L train:
1. If I get my timing right, I’m able to get a seat right away in the morning. AND on my way home, I’m able to gauge which train car has the most hipsters. Once I’ve targeted the bunch, I will enter and wait for them to get off at the Bedford stop and voila, I now have a seat after just 3 stops.
2. The L train comes by quite often during rush hour, so I’m not left waiting more than 6 min on avg.
3. There are generally attractive people with nice outfits I can gander at during my ride to work.
4. When I DO win the fight for a seat, I sit in TRIUMPH.
5. Pretending to adjust my backpack while simultaneously elbowing the guy with the stinky armpit in the ribs, flipping my hair into the face of girl with the boobs, and knocking elbow out of my side. Again. TRIUMPH.
THE END =)
