Yes, that is me with a camelback on my shoulders, hiking poles on my pack, and out of breath. Right before Christmas, I decided to go off grid and detox my mind, body, and spirit. Why, because I remembered the Fatlace mantra “None but ourselves can free our minds” and my mind needed it!
I went to The Ranch Malibu. I was a little nervous and antsy as I had committed to shut down all communication to the outside world, not to mention (but I will) that I had front row seats to the Jay Z – Kanye West “Watch the Throne” concert, which I forfeited to in order to restore myself to sanity. The Ranch is a beautiful 140 acre compound that sits perfectly in the Santa Monica mountains deep in Malibu.
My beautiful friend, Sue Glasscock (yes, that is her real last name) and her husband, Alex, had a vision to open this place several years ago. I met Sue at We Care 2 years ago while she was doing research for her sanctuary. Unlike the Ranch, you don’t eat at We Care and you receive daily colonics. I didn’t know what to expect here. It was all very last minute. I even stopped at REI on my way to purchase a few of the items on the must have list. I was just showing up with out expectation. I was so unprepared that I remember I was upset that they didn’t feed me lunch once I arrived. I should have read the handbook.
Day one: Wake up @ 5:30 am from the gentle sound of chimes. Next we would meet for yoga at 6:30 am. Then congregate here at the main area for breakfast to prep and head out on a 4 to 5 hour hike.
After a completely vegetarian meal, we would pile into the van that would take us high into the Santa Monica Mountains for an incredible hike.
This is Jane, from London. She works for Expedia! I had several hikes with Jane who filled me in on London’s thoughts of Banksy, King Robbo, and Blek le Rat I had never heard of Blek le Rat. Apparently Banksy is a big Blek le rat rip off. I love Banksy but see for yourself.
This is the easy part of the hike.
Tucked away and completely unexpected was a pool of water and a change in eco system.
My ladies, Liz, Kari, and Lisa.
I believe these are bobcat foot priest. I wanted to think they were mountain lion paw’s because it makes the story that much better.
The sight of the Mercedes Van always brought a pleasure sensation. It reminded me that the hike was over and that I was settling back into my desired lifestyle of luxury. The Ranch was good at that presenting that dual thought system of pain and luxury.
Every day I would get a massage. My body was breaking down and I needed it. No comments on the picture. I already had it approved by the photo editor.
After the massage it would be 2 hours in the romper room doing TRX, circuit training, or core classes. Then back to another hour of Yoga. That is a minimum of 8 hours of exercise a day!
The lovely thing is sharply at 7pm we would all sit down at a large table and dinner would be served with an ingredient and preparation explanation by Chef Kurt. He definitely had the most seasoned personality and for sure talented.
This here is some sort of vegetable flan with mushroom’s and brussel sprouts. If I was a culinary artist in France I am sure I could have done a much better job on the explanation.
After the lovely meal, some would gather by the fire and relax.
I would run to the jacuzzi, gaze at the stars, and pray for some muscle relief.
Next it would be back to my private bungalow where I would write my screenplay and snuggle into the cozy organic sheets.
In the morning We all would meet again to repeat the day. When I say We, it included moguls from around the world as far a as Hong Kong, London, Chicago, and a few of us locals.
Yum, green avocado smoothie.
Liz, a swim instructor from Newport and Kate, a guide, were deep in conversation one morning.
Halfway through the day we would catch up with the rest of the crew. Walter was all knowing about nature, Lisa is a hottie from Chicago who is super in shape and, Luke, the nicest guide. He is also writing a screen play .
Sandra was the coolest woman I have ever met. She has more knowledge than an encyclopedia or Rob Heppler. Did you know that the Santa Monica mountains would have been called the Santa Monica Hills, but the peak point surpassed the mountain height requirement by only 30 feet.
A great feeling of accomplishment to know that I hiked from the shore to the ridge.
Some of the hikes sucked too. Freezing cold conditions, rain and 5 hours of endurance while detoxing off intelligentsia coffee, almond croissants, red bull, and my secret cigarettes.
This pile of internal organs was cleanly left with out any signs of foul play. Mother Nature is always a mystery.
Mid was through we would stop for a snack. Today was a an organic apple. The natural sugar was like a shot of heroin.
Usually we would would get some carrots, almonds, and natural salt for restore our depleted electrolytes.
Don’t get excited. it really wasn’t that much of a snack. You could only ask for more salt and I always did.
Here is a scallop fossil that not sits 1700 feet above sea level which was
I can’t remember what this one was.
At the end of a beautiful day we stopped at the beach for a moment.
Linen table clothes and coconut water were set on picnic tables while we waited for nourishment.
I can’t remember what this was, but when you are starving there is nothing better.
70% of everything We ate at the Ranch is grown in their organic garden. The remaining 30% comes from local farmers.
All of meals were vegetarian except the one egg dish, from these exact chickens, which we had the Friday before we left.
Another great shot for an iPhone.
This is a twilight garden too.
More of the property.
I just liked this and thought you might too.
Here We all are! A group photo at the end of the week. Everyone was refreshed, happy, and had lost lots of weight. Me, well – I must say that my only goal was to recharge and connect to Source. I definitely got what I came for, but I was a bit verklempt after my final weigh-in and was told I had only lost a half of one pound! Maybe I lost all of the dead weight I was carrying.
The out of towers were transported to LAX in the company car.
The Final Four remaining for the last hike.
A great philosophy for more than adult camp.
Mission accomplished. I got my fire fire back.